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New and inovational book generation table! Details inside!

You know the feeling. PC's get into library and they ask what books are there. You load up one of the various title generators, only to be caught again with the question "So, what's that about?".
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TABLES

WHAT'S THE BOOK ABOUT?
d8 Theme
1 Seems to be instructional manual of some sort (go to skillbooks table)
2 Seems to be some boring academic stuff (go to History table)
3 Yay! Pretty pictures inside! (go to Anatomy table)
4 Mom told me to keep away from books taht look like this.. (go to Arcane Studies table)
5 Mom used to read me this every night.. (go to Tales and Legends table)
6 Hey! I heard about this! (go to Collected stories table)
7 What could be interesting about plants? (go to Botany table)
8 Reroll
SKILLBOOKS
d6 Title Contents
1 Let's play dead This 100 or so page volume consists of a childlike representation with several brightly coloured pictures of various recipes to prepare the dead for undeath.
2 Taste of victory The book details a fencing techniques, with focus on various dirty tricks you can use to win a duel and get away with it.
3 Shock and Awe The book contains 20 basic campfire recipes, which are described in great detail and accompanied by multitude of illustrations. Anybody can use this book to craft one of the 20 meals, all of which make use of venision or other meat.
4 Smuggler’s teachings The collected teachings of a dozen master blacksmiths, armorers, and artificers, walks the reader step by step through the art of metalwork, from the most basic of tools to the creation of magic weapons and armor. The text is accompanied by dozens of intricatly detailed plates showing tools and techniques.
5 Liber ex Vasis A rather thin volume about the comestible plant life found in the Underdark and the different ways to prepare them. The author begins by explaining his firsthand experience tasting and testing all the recipes and flora available to the underdark. After detailing a few recipes, the writings become more rambly and saccaded. A certain plant begins to come up in several of the recipes towards the end of the book. The final page is just a repetition of that same plant's name over and over again until the words just trail off the page.
6 A Herbalist's Guide to Surviving This diary details the accounts a famous halfling smuggler, who was best known for smuggling his home made rum into kingdoms throughout the world during the great alcohol depression. With proper study the reader can reproduce the famous Sweetfoot Rum recipe from the different mentions, hints and references scattered across the pages of this book.
HISTORY
d8 Title Contents
1 For the good of the nation Autobiography of a wandering merchant, who often found himself in war torn countries and always had something to sell, even if he hadn't.
2 The Dragon's Downfall This argumentative text, written by one Colonel Tavon Coyle, stresses the importance of overwhelming force when responding to foreign attacks. (“When the world is watching, one must prove that an attack upon oneself or one’s nation is folly.”) It is typically used to defend the use of downright vile acts during times of war by invoking a sense of patriotism and community. It has been criticised for dehumanising the enemy, and for being far too eager when it comes to giving carte blache authority to military commanders.
3 The Elemental Chaos and the resulting Planes This tome, bound in dragon scales, will only show its true contents to to those it deems worthy. To the unworthy, it consists of a rather somber description of a period of time in which the dragon's ruled the Forgotten Realms and their inevitable downfall where the dragons were taken down by an army of the combined forces of the world's humanoid races. However, to a worthy lector, the script changes entirely and, in draconic, a tale is woven of the truw downfall. The humanoid races were powerless to the dragons, but the chromatics grew vain and the metallics could no longer tolerate their greed. Thus, the metallics aided the humanoids to stage an uprising and the chromatics were banished to the Inner Planes. But, the humanoids grew greedy and tricked the metallics banishing them with their kindred. The tale ends on an ominous note of plans for the dragons' imminent return.
4 The True Rulers of Our Countries A controversial document in and of its own right, this book talks about the creation of the Prime Material and Inner planes. A thin volume which only contains 4 pieces of paper, however these papers are magically enchanted to pass through the thousands of pages of content which this book holds. The author of the document seems almost too knowing on the subject, almost as if he were there...
5 The Secret Heroes and Abominations The original manuscript of the much-reproduced text, its well-reputed author's final work. The chronicle itself passingly mentions a rumored artifact, the legendary Laddle of the Chef (commonly believed to be myth) as though its existence is fact. Careful reading might uncover second text that lays below the current one, scraped out, but not gone completely.
6 Tales of times past This book contains recipes for various desserts and esseys on their historical perspective and impacts.
7 The Fall of the Empire On the surface, this appears to merely be a recounting of the opulent Haloan Empire's fall from power centuries ago. Some claim, however, that careful analysis reveals it as a scathing commentary on the notoriously corrupt court of King Judicus, written in code to keep the author from harm.
8 Gold in Ashes A historical analysis of the last attacks on the primaterial plane by both the gith and the modrons. The focus of it is a comparison of their vastly different tactics and what little the defenders learned of their invader's cultures.
ARCANE STUDIES
d12 Title Contents
1 The Forgotten Art This massive tome is a fine source of information about all things undead, and was written by one Lord Zeiram, who later ascended to lichhood. It has long been rumored that it is a good starting point for a would-be lich, and it has thus been banned in many a juristiction, but truth be told it is of little use when it comes to becoming a lich, unless one counts the potential benefit of more effective minions.
2 From Beyond the Veil This introductory tome is required reading at many a magical academy, but is of relatively little value in regards to the truly esoteric. Introduces the various elements and elementals, and discusses the purpose/traits of the various elemental planes and the elemental chaos.
3 Edicts of Incantations This book is a standalone work from eccentric elven author Marybeth Hight, a scholar of the Feywild and its denizens. It was originally intended as a primer for would-be plane shifters and astral travellers, but the manuscript was partially destroyed in a fire and now the contents are damaged. The current owner has gone mildly insane trying to piece the manuscript back together, and has scrawled almost two year's worth of ramblings and half-thoughts in the margins of the text. While the work no longer primes the reader for the act of travelling to the Feywild, the combination of reading materials contained within the folio binding now prep the reader's mind for the bewildering and maddening magics encountered there (giving advantage against the enchantment and illusion effects created by denizens of the Feywild)
4 Arcane Secrets A generous manuscript contains description of inner workings of various contraptions and automatons and instruction manual to programing automatons, allowing any intermediate transmuter to create their very own contraptions!
5 Sinister Discoveries Reading this little book takes about an hour. It contains complete instructions how to cast two cantrips from the wizard list of spells, allowing the reader to cast them for the remainder of the day.
6 Theatrical Uses of Illusion A dry but informative text detailing the blending of Positive Energy and Negative Energy (which he refers to as “the Holy Antipodes”) to better access healing and harming magics. It’s an insightful work for healers and necromancers alike, but those who read carefully and follow Sahl’s train of logic may unlock a new path of power (read gain access to a prestige class).
7 Antipodean Harmonies Written by the mage playwright Rodger Goldhammer, this semi autobiography shows how the famed thespian worked intricate illusion spells into his plays. Chapters included "Combining natural and magical light", "Canned vs conjured thunder: a discussion", and "Loss of concentration, or why it is vital to wear undergarments beneath an illusionary costume".
8 A children's guide to necromancy This book contains procedures regarding conjuring and exorcising acient horrors of the deep seas.
9 Skritzlbon's Contraptions Rather well known and a piece of every wizard’s library, this book contains instructions on divination basics, and tips how to not anger the customers with unfortunate events to come.
10 Liminal Zones and You When opened, this book creates an spectral dog that starts reproducing the book contents with the skill of experienced rhetorician. Given it's a dog, it's speech consists of different barks, whines and howls. The actual contets are studies regarding blink dogs. Why this book was named the way it was is a mystery not even the author knows answer to.
11 Elements and Elementals A collection of stories and essays focusing on a first-hand account of the journey from life to death told to the author by a ghost, a resurrected individual or a soul called forth from the other realms. Critics suggest she sensationalizes the tales a bit to make death sound more frightening than it is, to which she challenges them to explore death on their own and then come back to talk about it.
12 From Ghouls to Ghosts The book is chaotic and hard to understand, written in an unkown dialect which makes it very slow to read. Contained within are the studies of a powerful necromancer on how interplanar travel might be used to achieve functional immortality.
ANATOMY
d4 Title Content
1 Cultures Unknown This truly massive tome features everything from text heavy pages without a hint of illustration, to brilliant anatomical illustrations that cover multiple pages. It is the magnum opus of a brilliant wizard known for her astute observations and nigh unhealthy obsession with dragons, who sadly perished during a wyvern attack while searching for a dragon graveyard in an isolated mountain chain; had she not perished she would likely have continued revising her work, as she had done for many decades beforehand. Some rarer versions have even been known to feature moving pictures, especially those of dragons in flight and their breath. While it contains a staggering amount of information, it is also very academically challenging and quite rare; as a result it is rarely found outside of restricted library sections, wizards' libraries, and the hoards of academically inclined dragons, especially blue and silver ones.
2 Short essey on the subject of marine life An exhaustive exploration of the bodies of goblins, hobgoblins, and bugbears. It appears highly reputable, but no other surgeon has ever been willing to replicate the results presented here.
3 What those guts told me. Not only does this book go in-depth on the history of these creatures and their faraway worlds, it also tells that they are really into gardening and the various flowers, vegetables and fruits they have cultivated.
4 Codex Draconis A detailed biological survey of aquatic species in a lake near the authors residence.
BOTANY
d2 Title Content
1 Our Friend the Cactus Written by a dwarf wizard by the name of Daven Wraithmail, this treatise explains the growth and upkeep of a Gulthias Tree as well as several manners to corrupt seeds of other trees in order to create a suitable vessel. An entire chapter is dedicated to the domestication of the resulting blights which sprout from said tree and their training to better protect your new sapling.
2 The Inner Workings of a Gulthias Tree A dense acedemic treaty on the biology of cacti. If one has the patience it is very interesting in its own way. The book also details a large number of edible cacti, as well as those that can be used as water sources in the harsh deserts.
COLLECTED TALES
d6 Title Content
1 The Night's Embrace A book about the primordial titans, mostly legend and myth, collected by an eccentric young wizard who traveled the planes looking for information about them. This book is highly frustrating to scholars because the last entry is the beginning of a summary of an actual historical document, which has never been found. The book is unfinished and the wizard has not been seen for hundreds of years.
2 Collected Work of Reginald of Urholm Collection of seven orc legends, written in simple language that is easy to read. It can be used to each someone to read Orkish. The stories include: a tale of Gor'tak the Plunderer, who conquered an elven city and was brought down when he stole a cursed axe; the tale of Gor'tak's son Mur'nal, who tried to break the axe and two and ended up with two cursed axes; two stories about the half-orc twins Robald and Eron and their contests of strength (like when Eron tried to lift a mountain, but his feet didn't find any grip and he sunk away in the mud); and finally, three stories of the voyages of Zyarr the drunken priest and the times he ended up in a roc's nest, a frozen cave stocked with booze (all frozen solid), and Asmodeus' bathtub.
3 Egdemort's Travels A very fun collection of fairytales where half the time the protagonist dies horribly.
4 The Best Tales of Nameless Cults This set of tales centers on a bard of yore who had a collection of magical tuning forks. These he assembled in the form of the instrument he dubbed the Octarion, which, when played by his expert thumping produced a temporary Portal to other worlds. The book details his wanderings and adventures in these other worlds and sadly ends with his fatal wounding at an unfortunate tea-party turned duel in the Feylands. The epilogue reveals that the tales are penned by his companion, the priest Lucedol of Tuftsburg who met the bard on his first adventure (in this book) in fact freeing him from the clutches of the dreaded Lugomorphs of Artuick-Fell. The two became inseparable friends who ever after had the other's back... until that day.
5 Stories from the Orkholds A collection of poems written by an orcish adventurer and skald. The majority of the book is an epic saga, recounting the various deeds of the adventuring party the poet was a part of, with later short poems about specific aspects of adventurers' lifestyle. The later poems touch on a wide array of topics, such as the joys of a shared victory, longing for hearth and home, and the simple pleasure of splitting a foe in half lengthwise.
6 Children's Tales of Death and Hugs A series of romantic novels featuring romance between vampires and humans which tries to cast vampires as villified people who just want to live in peace, while simultaneously overlooking their intense thirst for blood and blithe disregard for the lives of others. Parts of the books have been described as downright obvious attempts at convincing the reader that formally inviting strangers into ones' home is common courtes and that sunlight is highly overrated. It conveniently fails to mention the vampiric weakness to running water, while simultaniously trying to spread awareness about potamophobia (the fear of rivers or running water).
TALES AND LEGENDS
d10 Title Content
1 A Sheep's Tail A propagandic tale featuring two main characters: A delusional young man who joins an order of paladins and sets about “restoring good and order to the world” and a young necromancer who only wants to help people. The story ends with the paladin murdering the necromancer, as the necromancer had spent his magical powers healing some innocent villagers who were hurt in a goblin raid. It has been theorised that the story might have been written and distrubuted by an ancient vampire wizard as part of his smear campaign against so called "good" organised religions and militant orders, but this has never been conclusively proven.
2 Tale of Cons and Scams The first installment of Critter and his friends' adventures! Watch as they journey into the Underdark searching for some bountiful booty to bring back home. Critter and his friends soon discover that the denizens of the Underdark don't take kindly to guests. Read carefully as duergars, and drow pin Critter's friends' still live bodies to crosses while torturing their mutilated bodies for being the filthy thieves that they are! A journey of friendship, kindness, dark and unending wallows of despair, and bravery that's fun for the whole family!
3 A Night to Remember Follow Critter and his new friends in their wacky adventures across the Forgotten Realms! They've been up to some crazy hijinxes together ever since they first met. In this latest installment, watch as Critter and his friends are pursued by the demons of the Nine Hells for betraying a pact with Lolth. Critter gets to watch in stunned horror as each of his friends is burnt to a crisp by a demonic army! Read carefully as they discover the value of friendship, kindness, fire, and bravery!
4 The Stonemason's Son A young kobold falls for her laconic draconic master in this classic tale of love, taboo, discovery, and betrayal.
5 The Unaligned Monk A story in the form of a collection of letters from a dwarf stonemason's son that left the trade to be an adventurer.
6 The Story of Graye The story of a slave forced to be a pit-fighter who turned to meditation as an escape from his violent life. This book is not well written, and is probably an earlier work of a novice author that never reached wide spread fame.
7 The Creepy Crawly Cremation Story A short story that describes a case where the shadow realm spills into the material plane and haunts the small town of Graye.
8 The Cryptic Crystalline Crucifixion Story A book filled with full-page illustrations with small captions (in an esoteric language) that tell the story of a man who seeks to fight criminals by dressing up and scaring them. If the reader doesn't know the language, it appears to be about a vampire.
9 Most Holy of Knights Written like a child's book with colorful pictures. Details a murderous sheep that is burned after slaying a whole town. Then reborn as an evil sheep spirit.
10 Travellers Musings Within is what seems to be a collection of short stories. To anyone that can read the thieves cant, the book is a guide on how to gain membership to the thieves guilds.
I would like to thank the following people of reddit for helping me with creating this table. Here are the great people:
Th3XRuler; SmilingDeathGod; tyupo1; Doctor_Darkmoor; deadcurze; moonshadowkati; shagnarok; Gribbels; ArgentumRegio; TreeFeler; TheyreAllGone; DirkRight
EDIT: It probably won't work with rollbot.
submitted by Anysnackwilldo to BehindTheTables

[Spoilers C2E56] A Bards Tale of the Nein by AegisAngel

I wrote this based on the thought that a bard might have heard of the Nein early on and started stalking them via scrying and physically following them. He then began to tell the tale of a new group of legends The Mighty Nein. He doesn't know everything (he can only scry so often and getting close to them while invisible is dangerous) and wants to keep some information hidden as he finds the Nein amusing.

The Tale of the Mighty Nein

Our tale of great adventure
Begins in Trostenwald,
Where seven unique strangers
Heeded adventures call.
The groups came together
Because the stars did align.
So come now weary traveler
And hear of The Mighty Nein

Fjord and Beau and Jester
Formed a merry band
And saved a girl in danger
And got gold in their hands.
Nott and Caleb did hear
The group right next to them.
They had a conversation
But did not pull a scam.

Then Mollymock and Yasha
Came into the place.
Molly told some fortunes.
Yasha just held a face.
They invited to the circus
The people far and near.
When the people heard of it
Some then had much to fear.

But then they came together
Upon that fateful day
When a fiend came a calling
On the town it did prey
The group managed to kill it
On an small island fair
A fiend and some imps resided
No witch was living there

The group still not named
Journey to the north
To the town of Alfield
Which someone had put forth
Upon arrive up there
In the Vally deep
The town was under an attack
Gnolls and some zombies

The group repelled the monsters
From the inferno grim
and set to task from there
Their legend can begin
“Go kill the Gnolls and save
some people who were caught
Do it quickly my good friends
Or all will be for not”

They headed out to a mine
Where beasts did make their home
They fought and killed a Manticore
But did not do the task alone
The wandering priest Shakaste
Helped to take it down
And his friend the Duchess
Made the people safe and sound

When asked by Bryce the Crownsguard
for the groups new name
They all did hesitate then
All feeling just the same
The very soon decided
On that fateful day
The Mighty Nein then left
And headed on their way

Up to Zasash they Traveled
Together as a band
And met Pumat Sol
Who lended them a hand
The Nein then went
And did another task
And killed a phase spider
For the Crownsguard who asked

This motley group of assholes
Then made another friend
A Gentleman who hired them
To head north and back again
But before they left these people
Fought in summers close
And in the ring proved themselves
Better than some of those

The Nein then headed northward
Though the Labenda Swamp
They saved the Kenku Kiri
Who on the group did glomp
With the help of another
They completed their first task
They headed on to Hupperdook
And with a robot they did clash

Outside the town of Hupperdook
Tragedy struck them down
And three of them were captured
And left the rest around
With the help of a Dwarf
They tried to save the day
But Lorenzo then killed Mollymauk
And sent them on their way

They buried their friend there
Upon the Amber Road
A firbolg asked to help them
Her strength they did borrow
They traveled to a graveyard
To maybe find a priest
Caduceus then joined them
And they let the peace talks cease

They attacked the Sour Nest
Where the Iron Shepherds did stay
And saved their friends from them
And Lorenzo they did slay
From there the group then headed south
Back from where they had came
The coast seemed like a good place
To continue to spread their name

The Nein went to the cost
Where Jester made her home
They met her lovely mother
Who had been left there all alone
But due to some screw ups
The Nein then had to flee
They took then to the water
Upon the giant sea

Upon their grand old ship then
They met a pirate fair
Who joined on adventure
With the crew who was there
They went into a temple
That worshiped a giant snake
Once a crystal was put into a hole
The island then did shake

Water then tried to drown
The people who were there
Controlled by Uk’otoa
From his watery lair
The pirate then brought the Nein
Into the Revelry
A nasty band of pirates
And the scourges of the sea
Upon the request of the King
Of that wretched band
The Nein turned on the pirate
And to the Plank King they did hand
The pirate and her crew
who had betrayed them all
So at the hands of the King
The pirate then did fall

He sent the Nein on their way
With a ship in hand
The Nein found another temple
Then headed for the land
On their way though
The Nein got side tracked
By the Happy Fun Ball
And inside it they were trapped

For seven days our heroes
Fought within that place
But inside stayed a dragon
And put a smile on a Gomes face
The Nein then met a mage
Whose tower they annoyed
A goblin let them in there
And the mage just said “oh boy”

The group headed back up north
Past Alfield and Zadash
When they heard about an invasion
And in Felderwin there was a clash
The group then made it up there
And surveyed the wrecked town
After speaking to some residents
The Nein when underground

They emerged after several days
In Xorhas from underground
They thought that they were sneaky
But even then they were found
They fought the Krynn soldiers
And ran away from a roc
And made it to Asarius
And the beasts some did mock

They’ve saved that city twice now
From some creatures that are grim
Monsters that hale from the Abyss
Continued to attack only them
But alas I then did lose them
But that suits me just fine
Now their Xorhases problem
Stay safe now Mighty Nein



Thank you for reading! (I appreciate any constructive criticism, I know some of this isn't the best when it comes to rhyming or rhythm, but I am not the best poet and enjoy writing)
submitted by AegisAngel to criticalrole