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[Table] r/books — I am Allie Brosh. My main abilities include writing, drawing, caring, and hiding, but you can ask me whatever you want. AMA (pt 2/2 FINAL)

Source | Previous table
Note: The question-taker's husband's replies may not have been all recorded.
Questions Answers
The pain scale speaks to us at endo in a special way. Knowing that you yourself have suffered it, I just wanted to thank you for helping us find more accurate ways to describe what's happening as we sob to our doctors. Wishing you good health in the future! Shout out to my endo peeps! That's one of the things that almost killed me (stage IV, hemorrhaging, had a hysterectomy at 27), and I feel a sort of poetic satisfaction knowing that something I made has helped my fellow sufferers deal with this hell of a medical condition.
Wishes of good health back at you, sisterfriend!
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I had no idea you suffered with endo! Looking back to when I was a teenager reading your blogs it was a huge source of comfort finding an escape from the endo pain because no one believed how bad it was until I had my second lap in 2015 (age 22). They found stage II endo hanging out on my bowels and literally everywhere else, not to mention an ovarian cyst that twisted my fallopian tube shut as it grew! Another doc found ureaplasma growing for God knows how long but it had reached up to my liver and I needed 14 days of antibiotics to get rid of it, and that shit causes infertility if left untreated. My excision surgery was last December and they finally found some pelvic congestion syndrome, too (vericose veins on my ovaries, so like all of the internal tissue is engorged and purple which is equal parts disgusting and painful) and on top of that I still deal with overactive muscle spasms from dealing with chronic pain for so long. Also, I have passed over 60 kidney stones, I have a gluten intolerance, I'm wildly allergic to pork, and I'm being tested again for MS. My organs are always mad at me. So was it the hemorraging that finally convinced the doctors to give you a hysterectomy? Did you have to have your ex-husband bargain with the doctors and sign in blood that your own reproductive organs that were trying to kill you were good to be removed per his request? Or did you have a nice doctor that actually cared that you lived and had some semblance of quality of life? Also, did you grieve at all for not being able to carry babies? At this point I'd rather just get my tubes tied and not worry about traumatizing my poor organs more than they've already been through if I were able to get pregnant. I'll be 27 next month and every passing year gives me more anxiety about getting pregnant, but it's hard to convice doctors to do it when you're still young and considered fertile (even though that's up for debate in my case anyway, I'm now way more prone to ectopic pregnancies which is scary as shit and I am not about it.) Anyway, you are one of my favorite people on this planet and I appreciate everything you've done as a creator. Your imagination is endless and validating for so many people, and I use the word "parp" often to mean help when I talk to literally anyone. I don't care that they think it's weird, it's efficient. Oh my goodness, you poor thing! I remember how horrific the diagnostic process was, and there are so many secondary consequences from the constant inflammation. I just want to hug you and tell you it'll be okay. Loosely speaking, yes, it was the hemorrhaging that got me a diagnosis, and a combination of the hemorrhaging, the multiple suspicious masses all over the inside of my body, and the fact that my Ova1 test (a 5-factor immunoassay that helps the doctor predict the likelihood of ovarian cancer) came back with concerning numbers (I don't know if that test is the gold standard anymore, by the way... it sounds like there's a better one now?) Thankfully, my OBGYN is a wonderful, compassionate doctor, and he didn't require anybody else to sign off on my hysterectomy. We talked the decision through together, and it genuinely seemed like his only concern was my health and wellbeing. But there are a lot of decisions you have to make when you're considering a major surgery like this. For example, due to my young age and the severity of my condition, we had to decide (together with my surgeon) whether a full or partial hysterectomy would be right for me. It's certainly not optimal to enter menopause so prematurely, but the rate of recurrence is high for partial hysterectomies. Ultimately, we decided to leave a small portion of my least-gnarly ovary for the purposes of making hormones, but rip out the rest (along with the hopelessly tangled portions of my innards). My symptoms do seem to be coming back, but very, very slowly. Overall, I would give the decision to have a hysterectomy five gold stars, and I would not hesitate to make the same decision again. It improved my quality of life dramatically. To answer your questions about children, that part was the easiest for me. I love children, but I have never really wanted to have my own. I absolutely see why people want children, I respect the hell out of parents, and I also feel curious about what the experience would be like, but it has never seemed like a necessary component of fulfillment for me. I really feel for those who want children and need to make this decision, though. After the surgery, I looked pregnant for a good while—belly sticking out to the point that I couldn't see the floor—and I remember thinking how horrible it would be to have this visual reminder of what I'd just lost, had I felt that way about it. Anyway, I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is a truly terrible condition with painfully few options for treatment, and, despite being potentially life-threatening, it very frequently isn't taken seriously enough. Just look at how much anybody who has endometriosis writes when they get a chance to talk about it—we clearly feel misunderstood and/or dismissed by the very people who are supposed to take care of us, and that needs to change. Sorry for soapbox. This is important, though. <3
Seven years ago, one of my very best friends brought me your first book during my stint in the hospital. Laughing was still incredibly painful (as my pelvis was broken in four places among other things, yikes), so I bet you can guess how well that went over :) It's a fond memory I have of an otherwise difficult time. I have, and always will be, a faithful reader and a fan. I don't have the words to properly thank you for all the laughter you bring into a world that so desperately needs it. Do you have a favorite pair of socks? :) First: please send my regards to your pelvis. What it went through sounds horrible, and I commend its bravery. Next: my favorite pair of socks is the pair of socks my friend Kali gave me in high school. It's the only pair of socks I've ever kept for more than a year or two. I've had them for 20 years now.
i was so excited to see you were back! my husband and i has both followed you before we met, and we’ve separately checked your blog through the years to see if you were alright. when i saw you’d done another book i immediately bought the first bc i realized i never did - my question is, do you still have simple dog and helper dog? your chapter on explaining to them why they were dumb was just so perfect. I don't still have them, but Duncan (my ex-husband) does, and he gives me updates and sends me pictures when I miss them. They're getting to be old girls now, and he says they're still a handful, but have calmed down a lot compared to their younger selves.
I just finished your book a couple hours ago and it is absolutely incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your art and life with the world. Not only did you deliver a poignant story about grief and loss, but I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face. You are a treasure and I’m glad to see you back. Thank you for saying this! I never quite know how to respond to compliments, but this makes me feel very, very good. What is your favorite shape?
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Triangles. No particular reason... they just resonate with me. How about you? Mine is triangles too!! (For exactly those reasons)
No question, just want to let you know how much I appreciate your work. After years of struggling to describe depression, you put it into a context that was easy for me to relate to and gave me the guts to be open about my experience. And, well, shit. That takes some special work and I don't think anything or anyone else in this big dumb world could have done that. So thank you. Here's a curveball for you: what is your favorite aspect of being depressed? (Note: this is a completely earnest question)
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Honestly it's the isolation. My yearning for isolation has afforded me a lot of unique opportunities. If depression hadn't manifested itself into a very introverted lifestyle I wouldn't have had most of the adventures I had in my 20s. It's really made this mess of a year pretty easy. Stay six feet away from people? Avoid large crowds? GOT IT. I love and deeply relate to this perspective! I feel like depression helped me get closer to myself (bonding over shared adversity and all that), and now me and myself enjoy spending quality time together.
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It’s really interesting that you’ve kinda bifurcated yourself into different aspects of yourself. Like explicitly recognising your own internal different personas. Do you think that our presumption of needing to make ourselves perfectly coherent and aligned when the truth is that as individuals we contain multitudes might account for some of our mental health fuckery? I definitely think it was helpful for my own understanding to recognize that, while I am physically one human, there can be many competing interests at play within the human brain at any given moment. They're all "me," but they're different aspects of me. And they need to learn how to respect each other and cooperate. The part that is always trying to protect my dignity, for instance, needs to learn how to respect the part that acts like a lizard on 32x fast-forward.
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When those aspects compete, how do you decide who wins? How do you handle the loss for the part that doesn't? I try to be as diplomatic as possible and seek compromise. I'll listen to each side of the disagreement, and try to find some way to bridge the gap where both sides feel like they're getting a good deal.
If that isn't possible, I try my best to come up with a logical proof of some kind for what the optimal strategy might be. I'm not always correct, of course, but all the parts have at least some respect for logic, and can be convinced to concede on that basis. I try to view it as making the best play possible with the information I have.
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Word. Thank you! No problem! Thanks for asking the question!
What's one piece of advice you would give to all of us? The most universal advice I can think of would be to cultivate a sense of curiosity about things—the world, other people, microwaves—whatever does it for you. Having things to wonder about is what keeps me going most days, and curiosity feels like a healthy, respectful orientation to have toward things, so it's what I would feel most confident recommending.
Also compassion, though. But compassion feels very closely related to curiosity (for me, at least).
In other news: I only kind of know what I'm talking about.
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Hi Allie! I'm not the original commenter, but I'd really like to hear more about how you think about the connection between compassion and curiosity. Also, just a word of thanks from a longtime fan who started reading your blog at age ~11 (for months I thought the title was pronounced "hyper-bowl") and got a lot of joy out of it over the years (now shared with my little sister, who treasures your first book and is very excited for your second): I'm deeply glad of the formative impact you've had on my perspective, my sense of humor, and my appreciation for the absurd, and I'm grateful that you gave me, at times in my early life when I badly needed it, the sense that some of my struggles and my strangest feelings were shared and understood by someone. First of all, that is a very hard-hitting compliment, and I feel honored to have had such an impact on you! As for the connection between curiosity and compassion, I see curiosity as a sort of pathway toward compassion—an efficient motivating force for learning about how others experience the world, and how it's similar to what I experience, and how it might be different, and how it might still be the same in an abstract sense even though it seems different, and, through that, teach myself to truly care for others from the ground up. I'm a very ground-up person, I think. I like to get the fundamentals in place so the machine can function on its own from there.
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What's the least universal advice that you'd give? GEt yep inte the pontyes, den gibbe it fro, yes yes, gib gib, taket ouo, gebbin graaaeeeeebbbbbbbb mettitts, done!
I hope this was as unhelpful as possible.
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Sdot2014: I love this! I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and the thing that keeps me positive is having a healthy curiosity for the whole process. Brains are so intensely interesting. I get neat things like smell mix ups (my toothpaste once smelled very strongly like tuna, for example) and even the scary stuff, like discovering how my brain has rewiring, is interesting. I am now an auditory learner instead of visual, for example. Even with anxiety, I was taught to look at bad feelings with a curiosity (and self compassion, of course) and it has been a life saver. This is AMAZING advice. I_WANNA_MUNCH: I'm so glad I saw your comment. I have ADHD and all the anxieties. Looking at bad feelings with curiosity is something I've never tried but I think it would help me when I'm going through a rough patch. Thank you! Sdot2014: I’m so glad! I hope it helps! My psychologist always told me to look at it like you’re a scientist. “My chest feels quite tight - that’s interesting. I wonder what might be causing that feeling?” It kind of removes you from the feeling a little bit, and lets you be an onlooker. It’s my favourite strategy. Another strategy I enjoy is challenging anxious thoughts. This really only works for “unreasonable” anxieties though. Like being anxious about sitting on the inside of the booth because you’re claustrophobic. Some things make sense to be anxious about, but some things (like getting a needle for me!) are not as scary as your brain can think. I ask myself “what’s the absolute WORST that could happen?” Well - maybe they go too deep and it really hurts or maybe I have an allergic reaction and they don’t notice and I die. But how likely is that to happen? How many people do I know that have had that happen? How many needles has my doctor given? Really, the worst thing that might likely happen is it might hurt for a minute or so and I might pass out (I do sometimes). And I remember what that felt like and how I felt AFTER the needle was over last time (relieved and a bit silly. Haha). And I kind of talk myself out of it a bit. Doesn’t work for everyone but another strategy I use often! Props for this response! It rings very true to me, and I don't think I could have said it any better myself!
I literally made a reddit account to say hi and participate. Your works have been enjoyable for my whole family 💕 That aside, what deck build do you use in MTG? I haven't played much MTG lately (lost touch with my regular FNM group when I moved, and my computer struggles with the new Mac version of MTG:A), but Izzet or Dimir were my favorite 2-color combos. For 3-color, it would've been either Temur or Sultai. Favorite decks I've played would be UB Fae and Tarmo Twin. Favorite format is Modern.
I mostly play Hearthstone these days.
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I used to play a few years ago with my buddies and my family and would do a Sunday night game night. Then I got a real job (9-1-1 dispatcher) and lost a lot in the process. I now occasionally get to watch my friends play. I have some friends who play Hearthstone but I haven't tried it yet. Is it worth it? I love both for different reasons. But yeah, I'd say Hearthstone is worth it. There's a lot of free single-player content, which is nice when you're just starting out.
Welcome back! From your Facebook posts it looks like you have been through Alot. I hope I’m not bringing up a painful side memory, but how are Simple Dog and Helper Dog doing? The last time I talked to Duncan (about a week ago), they were doing great! They're getting gray around their faces now, which is adorable and also bittersweet. They'll always be monsters, but I miss my monsters in a very fond way.
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This was the very most reason I came to your AMA. Since way back when you first wrote about them, I've felt like I'm a combination of simple dog and helper dog and now I'm crying because I missed you but also miss them and also miss myself. It's been a not good couple of days (weeks months years life). Thank you for still being alive and coming back to say hi. I'm going to go buy your book now before I forget again (I'm 8 months into long covid and it's messed up my short term memory & I've been remember forgetting since I first saw you post about it). Weird question, but what do you think you most need to hear right now? (Any answer is okay—we can just explore the feelings if you want)
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That one day I will be able to go flat out for 18 hours straight and do all the things I want just like I used to everyday and that I'm not failing myself and my family by being bedridden and also I'm not lazy. Mostly that I'm not failing everybody by being sick for 8 months. Okay, I might be able to help you with this one! (I also need to hear this from time to time, so I have at least a little practice with it). I'm not usually bedridden, but I struggle with things that feel very heavy to me (depression, ADHD, a host of chronic autoimmune conditions), and I often need to contend with the discrepancy between how much energy I have, and how much energy it seems like I'm supposed to have. And it can be hard to locate the line between going easy on myself and going too easy on myself, so I constantly question which one I'm doing (I wish there was an objective way to tell—brain calorimeters or something).
Anyway, what you're going through is legitimately hard, and it's okay to have a hard time with hard things.
Also, it's okay for others to have a hard time with it. It can be hard for everybody without it being anybody's fault, if that makes sense. And it definitely isn't lazy to struggle with being bedridden! Like, I know it's hard for my husband when I'm incapacitated by pain for the fourth day in a row, and can't help with washing the dishes because my joints are on fire and my hands are too weak to hold anything, and it's necessary for me to understand that, but I also need to be compassionate about my limitations.
It's also okay to feel frustrated. I feel frustrated all the time—by my limitations, by my vices, by the seemingly nonsensical distribution of fairness in the universe—it's human to feel frustrated by things beyond your control, especially when you're also sort of responsible for dealing with the consequences.
I think I'm writing this much because I relate, and I also maybe needed to hear this today <3
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You've been pretty open to questions so hopefully this isn't prying to much,do you have EDS or Fibro? Your pain description resonates a lot with how my body acts up sometimes. I don't actually know what it is yet, unfortunately. I have several diagnosed conditions (celiac disease and the associated skin condition, stage IV endometriosis, pineal gland cyst, Reynaud's syndrome), but I don't know if any of those are what's causing the pain, and the diagnostic process has been pretty convoluted. Lupus sounds plausible, but I hear it's never lupus.
I get fevers at least a couple times a month for no particular reason for a day or two, and with the fevers, I get really severe body aches, sometimes crippling headaches, and fatigue (but that could just be from the pain). The only thing that helps the pain is Benadryl (works better than opiates, even), but nobody has been able to tell me why that could be.
There have been a few instances of acute hand pain where I lose grip strength and can't pick anything up for a week. The pain is bad enough that I can't sleep, and it radiates from my middle and index fingers down through my proximal thumb joint and into my wrist.
Anybody want to play doctor with me?!
Edit: these replies are definitely motivating me to go see a rheumatologist and get some blood work done! I'm sorry you guys had to go through this too, but I appreciate the help!
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You need to find a rheum who's willing to diagnose you/at least work with you going on physical symptoms. I think you're in Oregon right now, yeah? My rheum is Dr. Rebecca Muntean in Spokane, WA. Long-ass drive there but so completely worth it. She finally got me diagnosed in January after suffering since I was a high schooler (I'm 36 now). Your symptoms are identical to mine. My bloodwork didn't show shit, but six months on HCQ has me feeling like a new woman. Has anyone done blood panels on you for stuff like rheumatoid factor? The other thing is... have you been checked for mast cell disorder? The Benadryl helping is a clue there. Either way, you need a competent & compassionate rheumatologist and allergist. Thank you so much for this reply! You may have just convinced me to see a rheumatologist, which is a pretty big deal considering how resistant I seem to be to seek medical treatment (the diagnostic process has been absolutely brutal for me so far, so I sort of subconsciously avoid it now).
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I am glad to hear they are doing well, but sad to hear that they are no longer a part of your everyday life. Perhaps you can get a new charismatic pet to write about, like a rescue owl, or a fainting goat. I have a cat named Squirrel! He is a very silly boy, but in a very different way.
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Now that you are a cat household, would you consider adopting a dog again? Definitely! We plan to adopt a puppy as soon as we have a large yard again!
You book is very laugh and sad. Ihave you been able to visit animal planet after you had a bird-mating-dance-based existential crisis? If so, what is the best animule? After that incident, animal planet sort of became a symbol for me—a symbol of how absurd I am (and how absurd everything is). Once I got past the initial discomfort (it took years), I found a lot of comfort in that. So I keep watching to remind myself.
Due to how utterly absurd all animals are, I do not believe it would be logically possible to rank them in the abstract. But I do enjoy the facial expression that frogs and lizards make.
Hiiiiiii! I'm Allie's husband Kevin. I know some things about Allie too and I may occasionally pop in to answer the softball questions. Feel free to respond to me with as much warmth or hatred as your belief system allows. Can confirm: this is my husband. Thank you for helping, Kev!
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Kevin sounds like a made up name. I am sceptical. I can respect that. What evidence would convince you?
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Which style of softball do you think is superior, fastpitch or slowpitch? I do not know enough about softball to answer this, but I would be willing to try if somebody could break down a few of the similarities and differences for me.
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Why would she need help? Because everybody needs a buddy sometimes :]
I’ve missed you. I love your art and your writing and I hope it brings you joy that you make so many people happy with your talents. Also - what is your favorite spice? Or spice girl? Either one is fine. Favorite spice is cayenne, favorite spice girl is Scary Spice!
Hi Allie! I loved your first book so much- I couldn't put it down when I first got it! When I saw this post I got really excited- I can't believe you're doing an AMA! On my end I wanted to try ask you a couple of lighthearted anythings- how did you and Kevin meet? Is it a sweet story? A simple one? And how is Squirrel doing?? I hope you're doing okay today! We met on OKCupid, actually. I don't know what it's like now, but back when I was on there, you had to favorite three people when you created a profile, and he was the first guy I favorited :) We were, I think, a 96% match or something. We messaged back and forth for a long while, went on a few dates, found we really liked talking to each other (he likes to get into the weeds philosophically, which is very important to me), and decided to make it official. We got married approximately three years after.
Squirrel's good. He had a bit of a weird night last night because all the smoke alarms in our whole house went off at the same time, but he's a resilient little fellow.
Hi Allie! I wrote my college thesis on your blog! Yes, I really did. Thank you for my degree! That's really cool, and I feel honored! What was the general thrust of your thesis?
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I analyzed the type of stylistic devices you used in three of your most popular blogs (as of 2012, when I graduated) to determine what type of language made it funny (similes, metaphors, and yes, hyperbole!). It was a blast! I would have to dig up the paper out of digital mothballs to remember what my conclusions were, but absurdism and hyperbole ruled supreme... As they should. I can't even begin to describe how validating this feels! Somebody studied me! A whole other person took the time to learn about me!! (Academically, no less).
More pictures of the Pile Dog - https://imgur.com/a/K1mM7OG For anybody wanting to see pictures of the sweet and wonderful creature I refer to as the pile dog, Kevin put together this album. I'm commenting for visibility :)
I'm super fucking awkward and don't know how to interact with other humans. My whole process on trying to figure out how to communicate with you during this AMA is as follows: OMG, ALLIE IS DOING AN AMA! I LOVE AND OWN BOTH OF YOUR BOOKS!! omg what do I ask? Do I ask if she likes cats? Does she want to see my cats? Will you be my friend? Y'know, in the way that we acknowledge the existence of each other for a millisecond but never have to talk to or see each other kind of way because social interaction is hard? success Yes, I will absolutely be your friend, and I love that you drew a friendship comic. Perhaps you are not so bad at interacting with others, eh? Perhaps you are even good at it!
Do you have any pictures of the pile dog you could share. I’m very invested in her story. Here's one of my favorites: https://imgur.com/a/G7Aa41I
What would you like to know about her story?
What is the very best cheese? Going with my gut on this one: Pepper Jack. On average, I eat four sticks of it a day.
Edit: What's your favorite cheese?
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What are your thoughts on Jarlsberg cheese? Room temperature cubes are where it’s at IMO. My first thought is wondering whether I have ever tasted Jarlsberg cheese, and, immediately after that, wondering if it's the stinky cheese my aunt Kathy gave me that one time, then right after that, I kind of had this weird, scuttle-y feeling where I questioned the breadth of my cheese knowledge. This was followed by an intense wish for google to have a taste feature. I want instant answers to my cheese questions!
Did that goose ever come back? Not that I know of, but that doesn't mean he didn't.
On the off chance that you're still reading these I just wanted to join the chorus of fans who got a lot out of you're work and honesty. The stigma associated with depression sucks and it has been real, real nice to see myself in the things you've shared. The kind of madcap but wholly relatable humor you have perfectly captured is maybe the most precious smidgen of daily joy that keeps me going despite also cyclically eating depression dirt every year or two. I'm super duper happy to see you cruising and log jumping and verbally smiling all over this AMA. Thanks for existing. No question just sisterly love. Sisterly love accepted, and sisterly love returned :)
No huge thoughts, just wanted to thank you sincerely for being a laugh when we needed it most, and to wish you as much success as you can hang with. Also, while reading your latest, I wondered if you'd read "Animals in Translation" by Temple Grandin? It's a super-interesting dive into animal thought patterns and behaviors, and you spend a lot of time thinking about animal brains, so maybe check it out if you haven't yet? I think this is my first ever reddit comment? It's yours. :) Take care, and continue to rock. Congratulations on your first Reddit comment!! I love the comments section here. I actually do a lot of writing practice under my secret alternate account over on AskReddit! Anyway, I have not read Animal in Translation, but I'm gonna add it to my list because it does sound like something I'd be interested in! Thank you!
the below is a reply to the above
OmG are you one of the reasons for why a lot of those askreddit and advice reddits are all "this shit is made up lock post!!!" at everything? Haha, probably not. I'm either shitposting to practice my improv skills, testing out real stories (which I delete as soon as they start getting upvotes), or writing walls of text about whatever topic I'm most interested in that day.
We'll find that guy someday, though. I know it.
Oh my God! I read your Depression series at least once a week. Can't believe you've showed up like this again after 7 years of radio-silence and even more I can't believe I missed it with one day I'm still here! What would you have wanted to ask?
Ah I'm too late! I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to post that I love your work and have missed your presence on the internet and in my life. ♥ Not too late! You can even still ask questions if you want to! Alternatively (or in addition), would you be able to teach me how to make a little heart like that? All I know how to do is this: <3
I’m so glad you’re back! What’s your favorite type of cookie? Also, are any of your current animals special? TheSaulK: Allie has celiac disease and so one may question whether the things she can eat are actually "cookies." My cousin visited us from Portland last year and brought pastries from a dedicated gluten-free bakery and that's the last time I can remember her having anything like a baked good. She says her grandma's molasses cookies were her favorite.
Squirrel is our only animal and he's literally the best cat there is.
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How open is Allie to people sending her gluten-free baked goods (probably outside of COVID times) to a PO Box or something? TheSaulK: She appreciates and loves you but she has the severity of celiac disease that should really be measured in parts per zillion and at this point really can just risk eating stuff she literally sees get made, like some sort of samurai if you will.
the below is presumably continued from "Why would she need help?"
Thank you. It’s bizarre. I don’t give a shit about downvotes. Still, maybe we should refrain from downvoting...it's an AMA! Every question is legitimate, and I appreciate the concern! To clarify: I asked him to participate because I thought it would be fun, and also help to have an extra pair of eyes on the questions :)
submitted by 500scnds to tabled


The Dragon

I was raised as a Jehovahs witness and I remember being taught that the dragon in the Bible is also the Devil. Later I asked them about is the dragon in the Bible and Revelation and the cultural Chinese Dragon. I got the answer that the Dragon was a symbol for the Chinese emperor but now it is just a symbol for good luck. Apperantly the asian chinese cultural dragon has no connection to the devil-dragon in the Bible. But I clearly remember being taught in childhood that the Devil is also a Dragon.
I have to admit my JW upbringing legit convinced me as a child that chinese culture is kind of satanic.
The Kpop artist G-Dragon legit rubs me to this day the wrong way and make me feel strange.
Plus the fact that the dragon is a symbol among asian mafia in tattoos and amwf porn (which makes
me feel at the same time cringe as f and mildly irritated)
When I read Wild Swans by Jung Chang where she basically wrote her mother had an abortion because she felt she could better serve the Communist Chinese government. That moment I got
"child sacrifice for Communist Party" vibes. And I remembered all the stories from the Old Testament about the caananites sacrificed their children to their gods.
Being raised as a JW by former atheist parent from communist countries as refuges and immigrants
in Sweden , and reading the whole Bible legit fucked me up.
Because according to JWs fetus=child.
My parents were atheist raised during Communism. They only got into Jws after coming to Sweden after my birth because they both studied in Moscow.
But our life did not turn out good and I legit think the JWs are an organization to hunt down communists around the world and reeducate communists children into christianity.
My parents got threathened by social services and mm and my mother fled to Russia.
I still think all of this happened only because of my grandfather being a cuban diplomat in North Korea. My father also never baptised himself into the Jws unlike my mother.
Yes I have read the book by Yeonmi Park "To be able to live" and I can sympathise with her.
But what concerns me more is my grandfather who lives very poor in Cuba and despite being on pension he continues to work. No matter how much I sympathise with Yeonmi Park I am more concerned about Cuba and Russia and why the main population is so poor there.
I am also concerned with the artificial milk-producing companies invading republics not so far from my mothers republic only employing chinese from the mainland and producing crap unhealthy products to sell in Russia.

I remember the JWs literature having the focus on prozelyting "worldly" people especially Chinese in China.
I remember the literature where we were encouraged to "take the step over to Macedonia" where two girls prozelyted to two chinese.
I especially think of this when I discovered the book and movie The Bitter Tea of General Yen.
I also think of it when Jws get jailed for prozelyting in China.
Also I remember in the book "What does the Bible really learn?" there was this picture with an asian woman reading the Bible.
I feel that I have a weird relationship to Asians even thought I am half asian myself. I am half Cuban ,half Tatar. Tatars ara considered minority asians in Russia.
It started with when my blonde best swedish friend Hulda (fake name) father got divorced (the family were JWs) to his swedish wife and married a Thai woman. The swedish wife married an african refugee.
That legit made me start feeling doubt in my religion.
I used to go with my famly to a chinese traditional doctor who was very kind who gave my parents a traditional chinese cooking utensil.
My mother is best friend with a woman from Tajikistan that is Uzbek who was a wealthy woman during communist regime. We also know another woman from Kazakhstan whose dad was a politican but
who seems to have gotten some grudge against my mum. She also did a really mean joke after my fathers death about him being behind the Chernobyl accident just for being a nuclear engineer who worked there at one point.
Only after my fathers death have I seen really how nasty Huldas mother really is when she claimed my mother did wrong by escaping from social services with me to Russia. I told her she was bullshitting and lying. I also hate the posh polish JW woman who claimed I stole her daughters jacket in childhood. Now they just ignore us. I am really disappointed with the Jws and legit think they contacted our family
only to destroy my dad and make his daughter anti-communist.
I also really hate how poorly my parents got treated here despite their higher educations

My parents used to help a Vietnamese family with documents and helping them not getting scammed into laundering money . They were very kind but shortly abrupted our relationship and talking after the wifes vietnamese friend started talking about JWs being bad.
But I remember going to a school where a filipina girl hated me and used to put dirty water in my water drinking bottle. She was in love with a swedish boy from a nationalistic swedish party and was jealous because he showed interest in me. Btw the boy said he was a satanist when I told him I was JW.
Once I tried to make friend s with a Thai boy at school but it did not work out.
When I heard a higher educated russian man on Youtube complain about the asians and their cliques
and how we russians and cenral asians dont have our cliques the same way and how the west hates us russians I have to agree. I relly recommend everybody to listen to the Youtubers Revengestar, Vovan Japan 0.2 and Nazar Ilishev.
I some time read the manga Rosario Vampire with the vampire girl Moka Akashiya and when the russian youtuber Ashiya popped up with the same name it made me feel weird.

I was also really into Vampire knight but then I stumbled upon the website NihongoNews where
they exposed the dark side of Japan and all the red sun flag dark history so I remember when waiting outside a grocery store alone for my mother in Russia I saw an asian dude walking past me with red sun tattoos it made my stomach churn in discomfort. I also remember when I was lying in the hospital in Russia I got harassed for taking communist books from the hospital library to read.
There was this asian dude laughing at me for being shy and not used to talking to guys there.
Also once I got submitted into a psychiatric hospital alone and some asian girl and dude had sex behind a sliding wall while I was tied to bed. I am still angry on my mum for focing me in psychiatic hospitals 2 times just because I could not sleep at night. At the hospital there was also an asian nurse forcing a pill that fell to the floor into my mouth by force.
Also at the endocrinological hospital there was an really gruff , rough, hoarse main doctor without one finger (yakuza sign anybody?) that was really rude to my mum.
These are the 4 weird asians I cant forget. The one with the red sun tattoo ,the rude one ,the one behind the sliding wall and the one missing finger doctor. Watching japanese visual kei videos with the red rising flag makes me SO uncomfortable. I constantly remeber that guy who walked past me when I see that.
Also I got an operation on my stomach. While I was lying in the endocrinological part of the hospital I overheard old babushkas talking about the main doctor and his daugher ruling the hospital being very affluent poeple making the hard working babushkas pretty salty. They also insiniated I had had an abortion even thought I explained it was only the appendix that got removed.
I confronted my mum about it but she stands by that it only was the appendix.
Later I got maredreams and strange thoughts if maybe I was raped during sleep in the other hospital because I remember one day waking up and seeing a weird condom lying in the corridor (I slept in the corridor) and the asian guy quickly moving out after that. I also remember the nurses choosing especially him to once deliver me some pills I had to swallow.
But the most horrifiying memory I have is when the asian guy rolled me in a wheel chair and I remember him whispering some strange words I dont fully remember (dont be afraid?) when they transferred me from hospital to hospital.
I also read about Japan and China and the yakuza from books in the library while I was in my mothers hometown but later strangely these books disappeared.
I also I remember the constant flower kiosk named Sakura and tokyoflower in my city the sudokus selled in every kiosk and after reading all those horrible things about what the japanese did ww2 it just puts bad taste in my mouth.
I really find visual kei intersting with how they portray themselves as demons and its interesting to me that all the foreign visual kei arists are thai swedish, english and from the western world.
Especially SekimaII and their "demons" concept. They remember me of the female russian band U-kei.
I have been watching Kazakh pop the latest years and its unsettling to watch them don kimonos.
I have even seen tatar musicians do it.
I may be revealing to much of my life. But the internet has opened my eyes to how asian diasporas absorb everything around themselves. Reading asian supremacist subreddits here on reddit makes me even more uncomfortable. But my biggest beef that I have is when I read that chinese hate europeans and central asians but then I remembered the traditional chinese doctor named Pan who was so kind
and dismissed it.But there is tons of anti-asian ,anti-chinese info on russian Youtube.
But it is true that ex-communist immigrant dont support and band together judging by all the chinese shops,thai massage salons, indian resturants in my swedish town but no russian or central asian resturants. Even in Cuba I saw a Chinese resturant and saw the stories of the chinese residents in Cuba and the store selling asian, anime and K-dramas in Havana. Also the new Crazy Rich Asians and Mulan movie compared to the Borat movie reminded everyone that the new Han Chinese supremacist narrative is being pushed.
I was always so amused by the fact that Cinderella called the cat Lucifer in the cartoon and the pet dragon in Mulan and speculated over Disneys satanism.
My question is with the chinese dragon in the Bible.
My second question is with contemporary Israel and why is lbgt and femenism and abortion so accepted there if it is prohibited in the Bible. Like doesnt it bother anyone at all that the non-israelite people in the book of Joshua worship the sun and to me they SO much wakes up associations of the red rising sun flag to me ?
Because of this seeing the jewish star in japanese visual kei videos also makes me feel strange.
My father always had a negative opinion on Japan and Israel.
My second is when I saw the music video Ai-dolls -Ai-dolls (kyrgyz pop). Ai means moon in kyrgyz but means love in japanese so that reminded me of the manga Princess Ai and made me uncomfortable.
My cousin studies in China but refuses to tell me how he has it. He had a chinese girlfriend but broke up with her.
His father had a company named Thanks (Rahmat) Tea but his son got brutally murdered so the company died but strangely enough some weird product with the same name started selling while I lived with my mother in Russia. My mothers last name consists of the word Thanks (Rahmat).
My uncle got a sexual disease while flying to buy Indian Tea in India so that really got me thinking.
I dont shame Indian people ,my mother is friends with one.

But I clearly see that chinese culture is anti-Bible. I remember watching the tv-series Empress of China.
There Wu Ruyi (Meiniang) kills a girl named Gaoyang. Later I watched an Youtube video of a chinese man claim that the god in the Bible is the same as the ancient chinese God and he said that Gaoyang means lamb. It felt like deja vu.
I also remember watching a japanese Youtuber in russian talking about japanese mythology that it goes like this: The Japanese god fell in love and procreated with humans and from there went all people. I had biblical deja vu when I heard of this and remembered the band Seikima II.
The thing is: I remember a russian girl magazine adverising the Hinamatsuri , Japanese girl fashion and "The land of the rising Soul" to russian young girls I cannot phantom the sneaky evilness of the japanese people propagating and advertising their culture to young girls only for the young girls to fly to Japan only to realize that Japan is like Saudi Arabia only more advertised and pink.
And I know that japanese culture is actively advertised in Russia.
I remember liking anime ,Sailor Moon and manga and wanting to translate manga into minority language in Russia but when I understood how dark and twistedly obsessed the japanese are with demons it made me think twice. Also 4chan anyone?
Some Youtuber said that if you learn japanese and start reading 4chan you will regret you learned japanese.
What I have learned from the russian Youtuber VovanJapan is 1:Japanese people love themselves very much. I have read traditional japanese poetry and I think it is true judging by the poem "Loving Oneself" I read.
Also remember reading the japanese poem wher the man tells the women "Dont think you cant be replaced and are unique". That kind of attitude also is a turn-off to me.
And asian people reading this and hating me:I dont care.
My uncle was very kind and always gave left-over food to his north koran servants while being a diplomat.
But I really hate all the toxic, hating and bullying by asian and especially japanese people online.
I really dislike their feudalistic ,passive-agressive hating on the Internet.
Just look at all the hate Blinchik in Japan , lolcow farm, pretty ugly little liars , Yoo Lana and other
pretty non-asian ,non-japanese females get. It is sickening.
It is also sickening seeing how russian-speaking men praise japanese women and shit on russian women under Sergey Kuvaevs videos.
I just dont think rasistic, imperialistic, rising red sun-wearing tattooed asians should be walking around in my mothers home town and make innocent girls like me feel unsafe.
I see VovanJapans YT channel get taken down and it makes me think he speaks the truth.
The film Interdevochka also got a price in Japan I think that talks about something.
You can read my post as fiction from planet X.
I have read beutiful japanese traditional poetry and japanese mythology.
But I have also read ugly japanese comment hidden by anonimity on the internet and it makes me disgusted.
Like the only thing I can think of is the son Katoosha by AKB4.
But I have read russians saying it is very had to talk to japanese people because they are so quiet
and you have to force words out of them.
I think Japan is like the dentist clinic in Sailor Moon :Kawaii -Hawaii on the outside but horrifying on the inside.VovanJapan said that they do medical experiments on foreigners in Japan. I always think of Viagras music video Anti.-Geisha where a japanese girls shoots at you throught the TV.Or In-Yans music video Kamikaze.
I saw japanese hair salons and a sushi shop in my mother russian hometown.
I know a mongolian woman that works in a sushi shop here in sweden that has two married mongolian relatives living in japan working for a japanese car company.
Why do we russians celebrate the Victory over Germany , but not over Japan?
Why is there a monument remembering the japanese soliders in Russia?
Why do we Russians allow this to happen?
Why do we russians not stand up for ourselves?
I have watched DenTV and they tell about how the japanese think we russian dropped the bombs on them.It makes me sick.
I think that in japanese culture the concept conscience does not exist. At least judging y russian DenTV that is the case. They have shame culture but dont have the concept of sincere regret.
Of course I have never met japanese people in real life.
But I dont intend to try to Skype to a silent robot and try to force words out of them forcefully.
If any japanese think otherwise they can comment below.
I probably wont comment anyway as I am sick of seeing americans shit on Cuba and Russia in general.
So I am preparing for the communist haters!
I have teo questions:
1.Did the japanese ask forgiveness from Russia for their war crimes occuping Russia up tot the Uralic Mountains?
2.If not , What do they want from us crating Youtube channels saying they are proud of their forefathers who were soliders doing their duty in (Tatarstan) and marrying russian women?
Showing the monument commerating japanese soliders?
But the think making me most angry is when DenTV said japanese spies create anime communities in russian on the internet telling russian youth to commit suicide. That is the definition of going over all

The japanese really are Jorogumos on the World Wide Web searching for naive innocent flie-like russian youths to ensnare and push to sucide!
submitted by TatarCubanGirl to u/TatarCubanGirl